COUPLES THERAPY
Building and maintaining a successful romantic relationship is no easy task. If it's to last, there will be seasons, there will be peaks and troughs. There is no shame in needing help at times during this often challenging endeavor.
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To come into individual therapy and reveal intimate parts of yourself is difficult. To come into couples therapy and reveal intimate parts of yourself AND of the relationship is perhaps even more difficult. My intention is always to make that difficult process is as painless as possible. Which isn't to say that it won't be challenging, but is to reassure you that you and your partner will be held gently and respectfully throughout.
I have 3 underpinning principles that inform how I approach couples therapy:
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The relationship is the client. Whilst there is room for individual processing as part of the journey, the emphasis is always on the health of your relationship.
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If one person wins, the relationship loses. This cannot be underscored enough. There is no scenario where one of you achieves everything that they want without having to offer any compromise, and the relationship returns to flourishing. Relationship is all about compromise and communication. A failure to do this is toxic to the health of the relationship.
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Individual autonomy is an important part of the health of the relationship. Just as undermining to the health of the relationship as competition is co-dependence. Couples therapy is NOT about forcing two autonomous beings attracted primarily by difference to become one homogenous blob without any space for the individual expression of each as an authentic, sovereign being.
What is couples therapy like?
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Couples therapy with me is primarily calm and conversational. Of course at times intense emotions arise and there are opportunities to vent. But we are always moving in the direction of conciliatory dialogue, and greater understanding of each other's perspective.
Couples therapy is a boundaried environment where you will NOT be subjected to persistent attacks, where you will not be trapped in a competition of 'who is right', and where you will not continuously cycle through the same destructive loops over and over again.
It IS a place where you will be challenged to examine the ways in which you are missing your partner, to experiment with adjustments in communication styles, and to prioritize time for the relationship outside of the therapy room also.